Monday, August 5, 2013
Comforting Ties Autism Support Group - Upcoming Meetings
There will be meetings in Erlanger, KY; as well as in Cincinnati, OH. I'm also looking at adding a meeting for the Fairfield area, if the need is there. The upcoming meetings are as follows: August 18, 2013 at the Kenton County Library from 1-3PM; August 24, 2013 at the Covedale Library from 4-6 PM; September 15, 2013 at the Kenton County Library; and September 21, 2013 at the Covedale Library. Please also feel free to visit the Comforting Ties page on Facebook , or on LinkedIn.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Conflict Resolution
Debbie Lorence, from the
University of Louisville's Kentucky Autism Training Center, gave a handout on
managing family stress that I thought may help:
I will try not to avoid
conflict altogether - instead, I will try to not let the little things that
bother me BUILD UP until one of us explodes the issue into a large fight; I will
try to talk about it with my partner within 48 hours, or let it go; I will try
to set an appointment within the next 24 hours to have our discussion if my
partner doesn't want to discuss the matter immediately.
I will try not
become defensive - instead, I will try to listen and hear my partner out; I will
try to address my partner's complaints with objectivity and with a willingness
to understand; I will try to remain calm and in control of my emotions.
I
will try not to overgeneralize - instead, I will try to lose the words "always"
and "never"; I will try to avoid catastrophisizing; I will try to avoid the
focus on isolated events and assuming all future events will be the same; I will
try to stop and think if the things I am saying are really true.
I will
try not to always be right - instead, I will try to stop looking at things as
being "right" or "wrong" and that my opinions are always right and my partner's
are wrong; I will try to recognize that sometimes two points of view are valid;
I will try to look for effective ways to compromise; I will try to accept that
my partners might have a different opinion that I do and that sometimes we might
need to agree to disagree.
I will try not to read my partner's mind -
instead, I will try to resist the idea that I "know" what my partner is thinking
and that those thoughts are contrary to mine; I will try to avoid assigning
motives to my partner's actions - "You are only saying/doing this because..."; I
will try to avoid jumping to conclusions and hear my partner out.
I will
try not to deny the positive - instead, I will try to refrain from holding the
magnifying glass to the negative events while I dismiss the positive - for
example, I will focus on the nine things that go right instead of the one thing
that goes wrong; I will try to expect positive things to happen rather than
thinking of positive things as flukes - this will help me to eliminate those
"Yeah, but...." responses when my partner proposes a solution to a
problem.
I will try not to forget to listen - instead, I will try to
listen carefully - don't think about what I am going to say next while my
partner is talking; I will try to reflect back what my partner is saying so
he/she feels heard; I will try to avoid interrupting; I will try to look at my
partner when we are having a conversation and pay attention to his/her body
language; I will try to use "I" statements instead of "You" statements.
I
will try not to play the "Blame Game" - instead, I will try to refrain from
criticizing and blaming others for the situation; I will try to avoid trying to
"shame" my partner as being "at fault"; I will try to use the opportunity to
analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties, and try to
reach a solution that helps both of us; I will try to refrain from personalizing
my stressors - blaming myself for things over which I have no control creates
more stress for me.
I will try not to always feel I need to "win" -
instead, I will try to come to a resolution and a mutual understanding that
respects the needs of both of us; I will try to not discount my partner's
thoughts and get stuck in my own point of view; I will try to look for ways to
compromise. Health communication involves finding a resolution that both parties
can be happy with.
I will try not make character attacks - instead, we
will try to avoid calling each other names; we will refrain from blaming one
another or make accusations; I will try to respect my partner even if I don't
like his/her ideas or behavior; I will try to avoid bringing up past conflicts
to throw the discussion off-topic.
I will try not to "own" my stuff -
instead, I will try to accept my own responsibility for the situation - this
causes long-term problems because the situation won't get any better; I will try
to avoid engaging in finger-pointing and acknowledge my own thoughts and
feelings.
14 Ways to Advocate for Your Child
This is a re-post from February, 2009 but still relevant today:
14 Ways to Advocate for Your Child, according to the 2009 Exceptional Kamily KYmagazine (www.lexingtonfamily.com):
1) Believe not only in your child, but in your ability to advocate at all times.
2) Know and understand your rights.
3) Keep good, organized records.
4) Come to meetings prepared, knowing and understanding what is in your child'sIEP.
5) Know the purpose of each meeting and what you want to discuss.
6) Be ready to share what you know about your child.
7) Ask to see data before making changes.
8) Make sure that what is agreed on in meetings is written on the IEP form. "Ifit is not written down it does not exist."
9) Build positive, respectful relationships with professionals.
10) Become a good listener.
11) Practice what you're going to say in meetings.
12) Ask questions about everything you don;t understand.
13) Don't let personal animosity distort your judgement about getting what yourchild needs.
14) Be willing to try something new.
Hope this helps!
Sandy Knollman
14 Ways to Advocate for Your Child, according to the 2009 Exceptional Kamily KYmagazine (www.lexingtonfamily.com):
1) Believe not only in your child, but in your ability to advocate at all times.
2) Know and understand your rights.
3) Keep good, organized records.
4) Come to meetings prepared, knowing and understanding what is in your child'sIEP.
5) Know the purpose of each meeting and what you want to discuss.
6) Be ready to share what you know about your child.
7) Ask to see data before making changes.
8) Make sure that what is agreed on in meetings is written on the IEP form. "Ifit is not written down it does not exist."
9) Build positive, respectful relationships with professionals.
10) Become a good listener.
11) Practice what you're going to say in meetings.
12) Ask questions about everything you don;t understand.
13) Don't let personal animosity distort your judgement about getting what yourchild needs.
14) Be willing to try something new.
Hope this helps!
Sandy Knollman
Monday, October 5, 2009
October Autism Support Group Meeting
The meeting went well tonight. Had a new couple come to the meeting who believe all three of their sons may be on the autism spectrum. It felt good to have them be there and not feel so alone going through the process of trying to get an autism diagnosis. The friends I've made and the people I've been able to connect through this group makes it all worth it; makes it feel like I'm making a difference.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Conflict Resolution
Debbie Lorence, from the University of Louisville's Kentucky Autism Training Center, gave a handout on managing family stress that I thought may help:
I will try not to avoid conflicy altogether - instead, I will try to not let the little things that bother me BUILD UP until one of us explodes the issue into a large fight; I will try to talk about it with my partner within 48 hours, or let it go; I will try to set an appointment within the next 24 hours to have our discussion if my partner doesn't want to discuss the matter immediately.
I will try not become defensive - instead, I will try to listen and hear my partner out; I will try to address my partner's complaints with objectivity and with a willingness to understand; I will try to remain calm and in control of my emotions.
I will try not to overgeneralize - instead, I will try to lose the words "always" and "never"; I will try to avoid catasrophizing; I will try to avoid the focus on isolated events and assuming all future events will be the same; I will try to stop and think if the things I am saying are really true.
I will try not to always be right - instead, I will try to stop looking at things as being "right" or "wrong" and that my opinions are always right and my partner's are wrong; I will try to recognize that sometimes two points of view are valid; I will try to look for effective ways to compromise; I will try to accept that my partners might have a different opinion that I do and that sometimes we might need to agree to disagree.
I will try not to read my partner's mind - instead, I will try to resist the idea that I "know" what my partner is thinking and that those thoughts are contrary to mine; I will try to avoid assigning motives to my partner's actions - "You are only saying/doing this because..."; I will try to avoid jumping to conclusions and hear my partner out.
I will try not to deny the positive - instead, I will try to refrain from holding the magnifying glass to the negative events while I dismiss the positive - for example, I will focus on the nine things that go right instead of the one thing that goes wrong; I will try to expect positive things to happen rather than thinking of positive things as flukes - this will help me to eliminate those "Yeah, but...." responses when my partner proposes a solution to a problem.
I will try not to forget to listen - instead, I will try to listen carefully - don't think about what I am going to say next while my partner is talking; I will try to reflect back what my partner is saying so he/she feels heard; I will try to avoid interrupting; I will try to look at my partner when we are having a conversation and pay attention to his/her body language; I will try to use "I" statements instead of "You" statements.
I will try not to play the "Blame Game" - instead, I will try to refrain from criticizing and blaming others for the situation; I will try to avoid trying to "shame" my partner as being "at fault"; I will try to use the opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties, and try to reach a solution that helps both of us; I will try to refrain from personalizing my stressors - blaming myself for things over which I have no control creates more stress for me.
I will try not to always feel I need to "win" - instead, I will try to come to a resolution and a mutual understanding that respects the needs of both of us; I will try to not discount my partner's thoughts and get stuck in my own point of view; I will try to look for ways to compromise. Health communication involves finding a resolution that both parties can be happy with.
I will try not make character attacks - instead, we will try to avoid calling each other names; we will refrain from blaming one another or make accusations; I will try to respect my partner even if I don't like his/her ideas or behavior; I will try to avoid bringing up past conflicts to throw the discussion off-topic.
I will try not to "own" my stuff - instead, I will try to accept my own responsibility for the situation - this causes long-term problems because the situation won't get any better; I will try to avoid engaging in finger-pointing and acknowledge my own thoughts and feelings.
Sandy Knollman
I will try not to avoid conflicy altogether - instead, I will try to not let the little things that bother me BUILD UP until one of us explodes the issue into a large fight; I will try to talk about it with my partner within 48 hours, or let it go; I will try to set an appointment within the next 24 hours to have our discussion if my partner doesn't want to discuss the matter immediately.
I will try not become defensive - instead, I will try to listen and hear my partner out; I will try to address my partner's complaints with objectivity and with a willingness to understand; I will try to remain calm and in control of my emotions.
I will try not to overgeneralize - instead, I will try to lose the words "always" and "never"; I will try to avoid catasrophizing; I will try to avoid the focus on isolated events and assuming all future events will be the same; I will try to stop and think if the things I am saying are really true.
I will try not to always be right - instead, I will try to stop looking at things as being "right" or "wrong" and that my opinions are always right and my partner's are wrong; I will try to recognize that sometimes two points of view are valid; I will try to look for effective ways to compromise; I will try to accept that my partners might have a different opinion that I do and that sometimes we might need to agree to disagree.
I will try not to read my partner's mind - instead, I will try to resist the idea that I "know" what my partner is thinking and that those thoughts are contrary to mine; I will try to avoid assigning motives to my partner's actions - "You are only saying/doing this because..."; I will try to avoid jumping to conclusions and hear my partner out.
I will try not to deny the positive - instead, I will try to refrain from holding the magnifying glass to the negative events while I dismiss the positive - for example, I will focus on the nine things that go right instead of the one thing that goes wrong; I will try to expect positive things to happen rather than thinking of positive things as flukes - this will help me to eliminate those "Yeah, but...." responses when my partner proposes a solution to a problem.
I will try not to forget to listen - instead, I will try to listen carefully - don't think about what I am going to say next while my partner is talking; I will try to reflect back what my partner is saying so he/she feels heard; I will try to avoid interrupting; I will try to look at my partner when we are having a conversation and pay attention to his/her body language; I will try to use "I" statements instead of "You" statements.
I will try not to play the "Blame Game" - instead, I will try to refrain from criticizing and blaming others for the situation; I will try to avoid trying to "shame" my partner as being "at fault"; I will try to use the opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties, and try to reach a solution that helps both of us; I will try to refrain from personalizing my stressors - blaming myself for things over which I have no control creates more stress for me.
I will try not to always feel I need to "win" - instead, I will try to come to a resolution and a mutual understanding that respects the needs of both of us; I will try to not discount my partner's thoughts and get stuck in my own point of view; I will try to look for ways to compromise. Health communication involves finding a resolution that both parties can be happy with.
I will try not make character attacks - instead, we will try to avoid calling each other names; we will refrain from blaming one another or make accusations; I will try to respect my partner even if I don't like his/her ideas or behavior; I will try to avoid bringing up past conflicts to throw the discussion off-topic.
I will try not to "own" my stuff - instead, I will try to accept my own responsibility for the situation - this causes long-term problems because the situation won't get any better; I will try to avoid engaging in finger-pointing and acknowledge my own thoughts and feelings.
Sandy Knollman
Friday, June 12, 2009
14 Ways to Advocate for Your Child
14 Ways to Advocate for Your Child, according to the 2009 Exceptional Kamily KYmagazine (www.lexingtonfamily.com):
1) Believe not only in your child, but in your ability to advocate at all times.
2) Know and understand your rights.
3) Keep good, organized records.
4) Come to meetings prepared, knowing and understanding what is in your child'sIEP.
5) Know the purpose of each meeting and what you want to discuss.
6) Be ready to share what you know about your child.
7) Ask to see data before making changes.
8) Make sure that what is agreed on in meetings is written on the IEP form. "Ifit is not written down it does not exist."
9) Build positive, respectful relationships with professionals.
10) Become a good listener.
11) Practice what you're going to say in meetings.
12) Ask questions about everything you don;t understand.
13) Don't let personal animosity distort your judgement about getting what yourchild needs.
14) Be willing to try something new.
Hope this helps!
Sandy Knollman
1) Believe not only in your child, but in your ability to advocate at all times.
2) Know and understand your rights.
3) Keep good, organized records.
4) Come to meetings prepared, knowing and understanding what is in your child'sIEP.
5) Know the purpose of each meeting and what you want to discuss.
6) Be ready to share what you know about your child.
7) Ask to see data before making changes.
8) Make sure that what is agreed on in meetings is written on the IEP form. "Ifit is not written down it does not exist."
9) Build positive, respectful relationships with professionals.
10) Become a good listener.
11) Practice what you're going to say in meetings.
12) Ask questions about everything you don;t understand.
13) Don't let personal animosity distort your judgement about getting what yourchild needs.
14) Be willing to try something new.
Hope this helps!
Sandy Knollman
Saturday, May 16, 2009
2009 Cincinnati Walk Now for Autism
The walk went very well today. We had 5 people inquire about buying the puzzle piece purses. We may have also found a building for the autism resource center. I had a table at the walk as well and gave away over 15 copies of the resource list. I wish I could've given more, but that's all I was able to bring with me. I gave a lot of people my home e-mail address so I can e-mail them the links to Autism Speaks First 100 Days Kit, as well as the Kentucky Family Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorders. I even received a request asking for information about support groups. I was so happy to be able to say that we have one! No parent should be going through this struggle alone. Whether you've gotten a diagnosis or waiting for one, you shouldn;t have to go through it alone. We're here to help, and will do what we can to find the resources and support you need.
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